Vaj Blog
Read Vagina Lady's MySpace blog
June 24, 2008
No, I Will Not Send U Pix of My Vagina
Hey, FYI: The answer is no.
The question is one I receive more than I'd care to: "Hey, can I see a picture of your real vagina?"
And while I'm on the subject... let me take a moment to respond to some of my least-favorite FAQs.
"You're sexy. Wanna hang out?"
No, I do not want to hang out. I am not here trying to hook up. I am here to make a point about feminism and sexuality.
If I want someone to hook up with, I actually do have other avenues open to me. As for if I am shopping for hookups? Well, that's actually none of your damn business.
"So, you must really love pussy, huh?"
I use this forum and this identity to celebrate the pussy, but I don't celebrate in a way that's sexual per se. The writer of this question wants to enthuse about how much he loves pussy too. That's great, but that's actually something different from what my message is.
"How exactly is that feminist?"
Grr! This is a sure way to piss me off.
I believe that the secrecy and shame sometimes associated with the lady parts is in fact a method by which the patriarchy has controlled women's sexualities. I aim to empower women and improve their relationship with their own bodies by lifting some of that shame, secrecy, and absolute sexualization.
Okay?!?
"Send me pics of ur vagina"
No.
June 11, 208
Apparently I am Highly Offensive
Ugh. I cannot win! I hate this.
Yesterday I put up a new photo album. Friends only. Pictures of my artwork -- fabric sculptures, bright colors, representational but not highly realistic.
Today I get the same message from MySpace: "We had to delete one of your photos." My main photo, once again, has defaulted back to the Exotic Erotic snapshot of a naughty schoolteacher holding a ruler up to the nether regions of a man wearing leather chaps. Because that's clearly appropriate for kids as young as 14, right? As opposed to the dirty picture of me in my dress. Where the interesting part of the dress is covered up.
Honestly, that is the most bizarre part. I have only ever put up one photo that is directly sexual in nature -- and that is the one that MySpace seems to find most acceptable. But it seems we live in a culture where rampant sexualization is okay, but respectful celebration of lady parts is not.
My photos are neither graphic nor sexual in nature. But apparently the vagina is still so taboo that the slightest acknowledgement of it must be quickly shushed.
It's just weird... I could have sworn it was 2008!
May 10, 2008
MySpace Censorship Can Suck My Vagina
When I logged on to my MySpace account today, I had two of those little messages saying "We had to delete one of your photos."
This happens occasionally. I've always assumed someone in the Bible Belt has seen one of my pictures, deemed it "offensive," and gotten it automatically deleted.
But this time was different from before. My photos were decimated. Yesterday there were dozens of pics in several folders; today only three lonely photos remained. See which ones made it and which ones got deleted
Out were the photos of my vagina costume. Out were the photos of my ball gown. Out were the photos showing my artwork.
Out was the picture of a computer mouse that resembled a clitoris. Out was the suggestively-shaped tree knot. Out was the image of the Olympic Stadium in China.
Censorship. It may be applied by a controlling government. Its power can be wielded by large corporations. But it can also be farmed out, left in the hands of any easily offended individual who should choose to complain. This lets the corporation avoid playing Big Brother itself, and, on the face of it, it may even seem egalitarian.
But there is nothing egalitarian about imposing the will of one person on another person's self-expression. By placing offended viewers in the decision-making role, MySpace tries to dodge responsibility for the site's censorship.
I do not dispute that a site such as MySpace has an ethical (and legal) responsibility to remove harmful material from its site. I just wish they could make those determinations in a way that is fair, balanced and transparent.
Here's their stock message:
From: MySpace Help
Subject: We had to delete one of your photosWe had to remove an image (or images) from your account because they violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 14, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence). Find out more about content we don't allow here. If you continue to violate our Terms, we may be forced to remove your account.
You may feel singled out, but be assured that we delete each and every one of these images as we locate them. If you find an image which you feel is in violation of our Terms, please feel free to use the 'report image' link below the image.
Thanks for your understanding.
MySpace Safety & Security
When you put censoring in the hands of the individual, censorship becomes commonplace and arbitrary.
That is a world that stifles freedom of expression and creativity of thought. Why would I want to opt in to such a world?
I will stay on MySpace for the thousands of friends I have gained there. But I will never like it as much again. Thank heavens I have my own website, and that Petty Tyrant MySpace is so easy to escape!
Post continues: See the photos
December 8, 2007
Your penis is not man enough.
It turns out that women aren't the only ones whose genitals are inadequate... Gentlemen, take note! Your dicks are too small and your ejaculations not manly enough. However, for a small fee a website will sell you magic pills that will restore your masculinity and give you monster schlongs.
So, while us ladies are getting cosmetic labioplasty (surgery to make our vaginas more demure and symmetrical) and trying to neutralize our shameful odor, here's a sampling of what you fellows can do to fix your broken man parts. She will leave you if you don't fix your penis, just like you will leave her if she doesn't fix her twat.
[All actual subject lines from emails]
Girls do not like you because your dick is too small.
need confidence? make your dick big, that's the first step
If your penis is small, even yoga won't help you.
Your big penis will melt her icy heart.
Keep the kitty cat happy and make ya cock massive
drop a cum load on her today, they love it!
attract more ladies with a huge trouser snake
look down and see a strong meaty cock hanging that you can be
proud of
Trust our wonder medicine and your penis will surprise you
Make the head of your penis the biggest point on earth.
Promote your little soldier of love in the new year!
Take Mega-Dick and enjoy the reflection of your penis in the
mirror!
Bigger penis won't be on tv but in your shorts!
Turn your small knob into a huge meat stick!
Turn your trouser snake into a monster schlong in 2008!
Don't miss it out! Grow a monster in your pants for New Year!
Now let me be serious for a moment here, in case any of you gentlemen aren't aware of the science. Magic penis pills do not in fact exist. Do you remember how quickly Viagra exploded? Trust me, if there were a pill that would grow your dick, it would be all over the news. You haven't heard of it because it doesn't exist.
Hormones (like testosterone) and steroids can change your genitals, but you're likely to lose size, as well as functionality and baby-making-power. Secret herbal formulas are less harmful, but wholly ineffective. You could try taking placebos; maybe that would improve your confidence.
There are surgical options, but they're terrible. They can snip something, and you can get up to one extra inch, but at the cost of the right angle of your erection; your slightly longer hard penis will dangle between your legs. You can get fat injected, but since penises aren't supposed to be fatty, it will probably will be lumpy and the fat will migrate.
Some men shave or trim their pubes to make their dicks look bigger. Excess fat can make it look smaller.
No woman I know has ever broken up with a guy because of the size of his penis... but they probably would judge him for being so insecure and naive as to buy penis pills online.
One final note: Research indicates that women are as or more sexually satisfied in long-term relationships with men with smaller penises. Often it makes the man more attentive to his partner's needs and more creative in how he satisfies her.
leave a comment on magic penis pills
September 04, 2007
"Cosmetic Gynecology"
So, I see lots of woman-focused ads on MySpace... Here's one of my favorites:
Allan Centre For Women
Canada-based Women's Health Center
Specializing in Cosmetic Gynecology
www.allancentreforwomen.com
Ooh, cosmetic gynecology, for reals?!? Ladies, let's all get vagina surgery to make all our vaginas look exactly the same! Yay for femininity!
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June 30, 2007
I will not apologize for my alter ego.
To the individual in my personal life who recently told me they're "uncomfortable" with the whole vagina lady thing: Fuck that!
Vagina Lady isn't who I actually am in real life, of course. She's a persona I put on. I think it's cool that I have an alter ego; most people can't say that.
She's entirely my creation. I'm really proud of this creation of mine. I think I've made quite an amazing thing. I make art (real art); I'm spreading what I consider to be a valuable sex-positive message; and, thanks to the internet, I think what I do positively impacts the lives of a fair number of other people.
Obviously Vagina Lady is a persona, not my personality. But it's a facet of my personality, too. You can't just pick and choose the parts you like about me; you can't love my more conventional self and reject my out-there side. And I resent the implication that Vagina Lady is somehow a foreign body inhabiting me, some unhealthy psychological response to external factors, somehow not part of "the real me."
Sigh... Sometimes I feel like band manager Jerrica, torn between my alter identity as pop sensation Jem. But do you remember what happened when she asked Synergy to show her what would happen if she told Rio (love interest to both) that Jem and Jerrica were the same person? Well, you probably don't remember, but I do: disaster ensued.
But I have no band of writers hell-bent on maintaining dramatic tension in the storyline of my personal life. So guess what? I'm Jerrica most of the time, but sometimes I'm Jem. Fucking deal with it.
leave a comment on my secret identity
May 16, 2007
Your Vagina Smells Fine Just the Way It Is
Of course everyone sees their own targeted ads on MySpace. I don't know how they track your interests, but guess what, they know I care about vaj.
Here's one of the lovely ads that just appeared on my MySpace.
Smell of Vagina
Humiliated by female fishy odor? Permanently eliminate it guaranteed!
www.Femanol.com
So I went to the website (so you don't have to). The homepage says: "Eliminate Vaginal Odor Once And For All!" There's a picture of a pretty blonde doctor - oh, she's so pretty, I bet her vagina doesn't smell like anything at all!
The site continues: "Shhhhh....... I bet you came to this site because you have a problem no woman wants to talk about, Vaginal Odor... I have tried many different douche solutions, sprays, also creams and none of them made me feel fresher and smell cleaner than Femanol™. Since I began using Femanol, my boyfriend has been more interested in me. I'm loving the attention and the feeling of confidence behind closed doors because I know I'm fresh!"
Jesus Christ. For $67 a month they'll send you capsules to take orally (because of course you don't want to be putting ointment on your naughty bits!). It's a bunch of herbs and some lactobacillus. The company has identical websites offering other herbal products - www.hypavera.com for blood pressure, www.arthritest.com for arthritis, etc. - and the same blonde lady in the corner, not having arthritis or high blood pressure or, probably, a medical degree.
For the record: Vaginas are not supposed to smell like nothing. They are supposed to smell like pussy. They are also not supposed to like old fish - if they do, there is a medical problem that needs to be addressed by a doctor.
So give it up already! Your vagina is never going to smell like roses. And that is fine! Any partner who demands that clearly belongs with an inflatable woman he can douse in whatever perfume he desires. So come on ladies, give up the smell shame! YOUR PUSSY SMELLS FINE JUST THE WAY IT IS.
leave a comment on vagina smells
July 18, 2006
Vagina Interview with Dr. Laura Berman
Today I did an interview with Dr. Laura Berman for her Chicago-based radio show. She was taping a show on the subject of vulvas. (One should be able to hear the show in the radio archives section of her website.)
The interview started out more antagonistically than I had expected. The same thing actually happened to me at Pride, when a feminist icon (and personal hero) walked into my tent. Both of these women were upset by use of the term 'vagina' when clearly I am representing the entire vulva.
Strictly speaking, they are correct. The term 'vagina' denotes only the canal itself, the tube or sheath, the part that is inside the hole. The 'vulva', on the other hand, means all of the external female genitalia - the lips, the clitoris, and the opening of the vagina.
Some see the term vagina as fundamentally phallocentric, as the vagina is the place where the man puts his penis, whereas women derive pleasure from not just their vaginas (if even that) but their entire vulvas, most especially the clitoris. And indeed, the clitoris is the most nerve-rich location on the human body and the only organ whose sole purpose is providing sexual pleasure.
This anti-vagina sentiment (it seems rather second-wave to me) seems to be supported by the roots of the word vagina: the term came into use in the late 17th century, derived from the Latin vagina 'sheath, scabbard.'
However, vulva's position is just as weak. Its modern usage came about in the mid-16th century, from the Latin vulva 'womb,' earlier from volva, volvere 'to turn, twist, roll or revolve.' Am I to be happier to be reduced to a womb than a canal for the penis?
The truth, of course, is that neither word reduces me to either, for these words no longer mean the same thing as the words from which they were derived. This is one of the most basic facts about language: linguistic change is inevitable, constant, and actually kind of beautiful.
It seems to me that the words vagina is changing, as words inexorably do. While its medical definition remains distinct, the evidence seems clear that, to modern Americans, vagina has become almost synonymous with vulva.
Oh, I could argue about this all day! I'm not just a feminist, I'm also a linguist, and I just refuse to accept that there is anything wrong with my use of the word vagina to represent female genitalia.
And I am more than a little saddened that this semantic discussion seems to eclipse more important issues. I mean, look at my art - I am not overlooking the clitoris or anything.
It is also my dog's birthday today.
June 25, 2006
Hooray for Gay! SF Pride Strikes Again
Gay Pride in San Francisco! I love it. Here were some highlights...
Favorite t-shirts:
- ASK ME ABOUT MY PENIS
- HOMOPHOBIA IS SO GAY
- SODOMY IS FOR ASSHOLES
- STOP STARING AT MY SHIRT
- VAJITARIAN
- LET GO OF MY EARS, I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING
- I LOVE MY CUNTRY
- MY CUNT ROCKS
- MY GI JOES ARE DOING IT
- (arrow pointing to wearer's face) THIS SEAT AVAILABLE
- GO BRAZILIAN (Delta Airlines, in the dirtiest corporate- sponsor shirt I've seen!)
And this one wasn't a t-shirt, but there was a bear who had a sunburned back with white letters that read PARK N' RIDE.
6-20-06
I hereby acknowledge that one is not really allowed to call something a "blog" if one has not written in it in over a year.
May 14, 2005
Vagina Lady's Feud with the Vagina Institute
If you would like to follow the bile-filled saga of Vagina Lady vs. Vagina Institute, go here. I am not keeping such offensiveness on my blog page anymore.
May 10, 2005
Advertising = Product + Pussy
So, the fact of the
matter is, I am not good at keeping a daily blog. Dear Diary, listen to
what happened to me today!!! Mostly I just need a place to bitch. Of
course, that is not to say that I only have negative things to say.
Take this recent Courvoisier ad, plastered on billboards throughout the city. Now, often ads depicting sexy naked girl + liquor can be somewhat disturbing (anyone else remember Southern Comfort’s ill-advised “Liquid Panty Remover” ad campaign?).
The model's position is highly sexualized but not necessarily demeaning; she does not look drunk, out of control, or likely to be taken advantage of. The Courvoisier bottle itself is already somewhat vaginal in appearance; when placed between the legs of a sexy model, the comparison is unavoidable. Hats off to Courvoisier for some of the most brazen vaginal imagery I’ve ever seen in mainstream advertising.
April 13, 2005
Lose Weight Like an Anorexic
Oh, And Fuck You Too
“If substantial, excess body fat is adversely affecting your health & self-esteem, then it's time for you to discover Anorex SF.”
http://www.anorex-leptoprin.com/
http://www.evitamins.com/product.asp?pid=1862
http://store.yahoo.com/ultimatefatburning/kb-009.html
Yes indeed – a weight-loss drug (Now Available Without a Prescription!!) named ‘Anorex.’
What sort of marketing morons would choose to associate their medicine with a potentially fatal disease? It’s like naming an antidepressant Mannic or a birth control pill Infertil. Hey, I’ll take a Cirrhosa’s Lager and a pack of Empha-Z-ma 100’s!
March 12, 2005
Vagina Etymology
All right: I give up. The people seem to like the blogs, and so I guess I shall blog away, or at least make a half-assed attempt. I suppose, in fact, that a personality such as the Vagina Lady should delight in jumping on the webzibitionist train. And why not? I’m a woman with an agenda, a big vocabulary, and a fondness for explaining to others how interesting my ideas are.
Take the word ‘vagina,’ for instance. Now, technically speaking, my costume represents the vulva (all the lady parts) rather than just the vagina (the opening and the space inside). But, in a classic example of synecdoche, the part comes to represent the whole. And so most people come to associate the word ‘vagina’ with the lady parts (though hopefully, at least in their private lives, they do not forget entirely about the clitoris).
The word ‘vagina’ did not itself come about until the 16th century. Prior to that, the part had no official name, almost in the same way that there was no ‘zero’ before Ptolemy. Now, to be sure, there were plenty of vulgar or even poetic terms for the female genitalia, but nothing so simple and straightforward as ‘vagina.’ (I imagine women complaining to doctors of itchy cuntcakes or red spots in their bowers of bliss.)
Some dislike the word ‘vagina’ because of its clinical unsexiness, but this is in fact just what I like most. It is a word untouched by unseemly desires. It does not suggest that the female organ is a hot sexy place for your penis, a type of fish, a dessert item, or a small animal. I would prefer to be in control of the connotations of my own vagina, thank you very much.